Another sleepless night, the heat perhaps? The news? The heart and mind go on and on, and nothing helps. You know the feeling.
Tossing and turning with worry, anxious or scared, eyes refuse to close, the poet of this chapter, lost in memories, sighs away the seconds unto dawn. Who among us has not had a night like that, or many? These past months of violence - this is the plight of many, the closest to the rumble of the war machine - the worse it is. So many mothers I have spoken to can’t sleep at night, for fear that their children won’t come back from battle, that the home they loved is lost. So many fathers pace all night in grief and mourning for the lives they lost. So many are displaced, in beds not theirs, with friends and family with no bed anymore at all, awake, all night, the silent sighs and sounds of sorrow.
The poet outlines this state of insomnia, lost inside the reveries of past and present, echoing the murmurs of another sleepless night, this one in Jerusalem, many many nights ago:
בְּי֥וֹם צָרָתִי֮ אֲדֹנָ֢י דָּ֫רָ֥שְׁתִּי יָדִ֤י ׀ לַ֣יְלָה נִ֭גְּרָה וְלֹ֣א תָפ֑וּג מֵאֲנָ֖ה הִנָּחֵ֣ם נַפְשִֽׁי׃
אֶזְכְּרָ֣ה אֱלֹהִ֣ים וְאֶהֱמָ֑יָה אָשִׂ֓יחָה ׀ וְתִתְעַטֵּ֖ף רוּחִ֣י סֶֽלָה׃
אָ֭חַזְתָּ שְׁמֻר֣וֹת עֵינָ֑י נִ֝פְעַ֗מְתִּי וְלֹ֣א אֲדַבֵּֽר׃
חִשַּׁ֣בְתִּי יָמִ֣ים מִקֶּ֑דֶם שְׁ֝נ֗וֹת עוֹלָמִֽים׃
אֶ֥זְכְּרָ֥ה נְגִינָתִ֗י בַּ֫לָּ֥יְלָה עִם־לְבָבִ֥י אָשִׂ֑יחָה וַיְחַפֵּ֥שׂ רוּחִֽי׃
הַ֭לְעוֹלָמִים יִזְנַ֥ח ׀ אֲדֹנָ֑י וְלֹא־יֹסִ֖יף לִרְצ֣וֹת עֽוֹד׃
During days of distress I turn to my Source,
with my hand uplifted;
My eyes flow all night without respite;
I will not be comforted.
I call God to mind, I moan,
I complain, but my spirit falls silent. Selah.
You have held my eyelids open;
I am overwhelmed, I cannot speak.
My thoughts turn to days of old,
to years long past.
I remember my songs in the night: I meditate with my heart: and my spirit searches for answers.
Will my Sovereign reject forever
and never again show favor?
“Will my Sovereign reject forever
and never again show favor?”
Ps. 77:3-8
Regardless of the specific problems that this poet deals with, the condition transcends time and space. The eyes that feel as though held open by hands not ours, the music heard inside our head, fragments of songs, moans and memories, and back to the big questions -- when will I sleep in peace, when will things be better again?
Across time and space many poets, up all night, respond to Asaph with their own versions of sleepless sighs. Perhaps it is a comfort to know that this is part of how we operate, sometimes more turbulent than others.
The Russian poet Alexander Pushkin recorded his "Lines Written at Night During Insomnia" here, translated by D.M. Thomas:
“I can't sleep; no light burns;
All round, darkness, irksome sleep.
Only the monotonous
Ticking of the clock,
The old wives chatter of fate,
Trembling of the sleeping night,
Mouse-like scurrying of life...
Why do you disturb me?
What do you mean tedious whispers?
Is it the day I have wasted
Reproaching me or murmuring?
What do you want from me?
Are you calling me or prophesying?
I want to understand you,
I seek a meaning in you…”
This poet ends this poem with a memory that cuts through the chaos and leads to liberation, perhaps to sleep? The last verses of psalm 77 allude to the way water dominates our consciousness, and how our history recalls one fateful night in which the sea split open and the former slaves walked through it to dry land and freedom. Like a lullaby, the soothing sounds of waves parting and feet scurrying to safety, hope is found inside the promise of the past, and with it, maybe sleep, at last. Our ancestors walked through the night, fleeing for freedom, and whatever and however rough reality may be, I too, admits the poets, will find rest in aspiration, and make my way to the other side of the sea, a beach, where I will land, and sing, and a new day will dawn.
Tomorrow night, we’ll try again. Get some sleep.
Below the Bible Belt: 929 chapters, 42 months, daily reflections.
Become a free or paid subscriber and join Rabbi Amichai’s 3+ years interactive online quest to question, queer + re-read between the lines of the entire Hebrew Bible. Enjoy daily posts, weekly videos and monthly learning sessions. 2022-2025.
Psalms #PSLAMS #Psalm76 #ספרתהילים #תהילים #BookofPsalms #כתובים #tehilim #Ketuvim #Hebrewbible #Tanach #929 #labshul #belowthebiblebelt929 #nocturnalpoetry #cantsleep? #upallnight
#insomnia #Pushkin #sleepless #anxiety #peace #prayforpeace #nomorewar #hope #everywhere #peaceispossible