Queen Mother's Parting Pearls of Wisdom

Prv. 31:9

Her final gift of wisdom is a gesture of enduring mystery, a riddle for the ages. Who is She who is the Queen Mother, with advice to her son that became a hymn to the Sabbath Queen and every hardworking woman in Jewish history? We may never know.. But we are invited to bid farewell to this book of Her Wisdom with layers of myth that keep us guessing and wanting more.

Chapter 31 is famous for the alphabetical poem of praise for the ‘woman of valor’ that begins on verse 10, but it’s the first 9 verses, lesser known, that help frame what this poetry is all about.

It begins with a verse that had kept many generations of interpreters guessing:

דִּבְרֵי לְמוּאֵל מֶלֶךְ מַשָּׂא אֲשֶׁר־יִסְּרַתּוּ אִמּוֹ׃

“The words of Lemuel, king of Massa, with which his mother admonished him:”

Prv. 31:1

Who is Lemuel and who is his nameless mother? Nobody knows. Tradition claims it’s Solomon of course, which would make her Bathsheba. But that’s just a guess. The unknown Queen Mother’s words of warning to her son become immortalized in the Bible way beyond whoever they were, and are all about advice about staying away from too much wine, loose women and other vices, as well as speaking up for the oppressed and champion those in need.

But then the chapter launches into the much more famous verses that begin with the words ‘Who is a woman of valor?’ It may be the continuation of the Queen Mother’s quoted speech, preserved for the ages.

It is this part of the chapter that many of us know by heart, or at least have heard on multiple occasions although few know what it really is about and how it has come to claim such a place of honor in the Jewish traditions of Friday night, with its own melodies.

The custom, mostly in Ashkenazi households, is to sing this poem as the family gathers on the eve of the Sabbath, just before sitting down for the festive feast. It is believed that the custom originated with the 17th century mystics in Safed who connected the Sabbath Queen to the shekinah- the feminine manifestation of The Divine. By lifting up the words of Proverbs 31 as a hymn to the Sabbath Queen they created a tradition that bestows nobility not just on the elusive divine - but on her envoys on earth - every single woman, wife and mother.

The Ode to the Woman of Valor is 22 verses long - one for each of the Hebrew letters, a detailed description of a superwoman with extraordinary capabilities. There are plenty of feminist concerns with the poem’s meanings and impact, and its original intentions are largely unknown, yet it’s also incredible that this hymn to Her is at the heart of the contemporary religious Jewish experience.

It begins with these famous words:

אֵשֶׁת־חַיִל מִי יִמְצָא וְרָחֹק מִפְּנִינִים מִכְרָהּ׃

How precious is a woman of substance!

Her worth is far beyond pearls.

Prv. 31:9

Is this a poem about the ideal mortal women or may this be the final tone of a book dedicated to Lady Wisdom - the hidden Divine Feminine who had to go into hiding in a patriarchal society and reality? Or both?

Several scholars try to unpack the story behind this song.

Wendy Zeiler, in Jewish Women Archive starts by linking it to the opening lines of the chapter:

“We typically ignore the fact that the Eshet Hayil poem is preceded in Proverbs 31 by nine verses of instruction offered by an unnamed Queen Mother to her son King Lemuel, in which she warns him against drunkenness and debauchery (with women), encouraging him instead to judge righteously and be an advocate for the needy. One way to read the Eshet Hayil poem, then, is as King Lemuel’s eulogy for his valorous and wise mother, bearing in mind the genre of the eulogy, which often includes hyperbole and sacralizing of the lost loved one.”

Aya Baron weaves a few more of the threads of tradition to try and figure it out:

“This prayer has entered the domestic sphere, with the male head of the home singing it to honor his wife. As such, there are many families for whom this tradition resonates, and many for whom, for a variety of reasons, modern or creative adaptations are a better fit.

This acrostic poem presents insight into ancient Jewish culture and customs. According to one Midrash, Abraham wrote it for his wife, the biblical matriarch Sarah. According to another, the verses correspond to 19 Jewish ancestral matriarchs. Thus, it contains grains of history and layers that have the potential to spark imaginative artwork and critical conversation.”

In the 11th century, Rashi interpreted this first verse with a powerful and short sentence that seems to indicate that he too knew that this poem was about Wisdom Herself:

“A woman of valor This is the Torah.”

Rashi’s words, I think, indicate that this alphabetical poem refers to the entire body of wisdom - She is Torah, and she is the source of us all.

As we wrap up the Book of Proverbs, with the powerful words of Her Wisdom resonating to us from ancient times, I feel strongly that this grand finale is an homage to the Great Goddess - the Queen Mother, the manifestation of the Feminine Divine - hidden and present at the same time.

The Woman of Valor is the Superwoman of our mythologies, in her many guises as Chochmah - Wisdom, or the Sabbath Bride and Queen. In a religious mindset that has come to embrace the deity as male and on males as the religious authorities -- she was pushed to the sidelines but never truly able to be hidden. There she is - Queen Mother of Sabbath, even as the power of women and all other non-male humans is slowly gaining momentum at the head of our tables, in defiance of the patriarchal power games of so many generations.

How do we reclaim this poem knowing that its divine origins has been obscured and so many women have to hear it without receiving their due respect?

Rabbi Tamara Cohen’s wisdom helps us honor her mother, and all mothers, as we wrap this Wisdom book and bid Woman Wisdom farewell:

“I remember well Shabbat evenings around our family table. When it came time for my father to sing Eshet Chayil, A Woman of Valor, my mother, the proud feminist, wanted the song. Every word of it. She'd worked hard. The bags under her eyes were dark. A three-course meal was ready in the kitchen even though she'd only left her office an hour before. She wanted the song. Yes, she knew the words. Written by men of another time, Eshet Chayil didn't exactly describe her own sense of the way things should be. But it was there: two minutes built into the traditional Friday night ritual that were just for her. Two minutes when she could sit back and close her eyes and feel, yes, yes, I deserve a song.

I deserve a song. I deserve a song and so much, much more. I deserve a song.
Because an Eshet Chayil is a woman of strength and woman of strength is not hard to find.
She is my mother, my grandmother, my sister, my friend.
She is my beloved, my teacher, my daughter, my companion, my neighbor.
I too am a woman of strength.
Eshet Chayil Bi Emtza.
A woman of strength within myself I will find.
This Shabbat, I will find her again and give her a song and so much more.”

Thank you, Wisdom!

Tomorrow - welcome to the Land of Oz and the world of Job.

(she’ll be back!)

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