חוֹשֵׂ֣ךְ שִׁ֭בְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵ֣א בְנ֑וֹ Spare rod, spoil kid??

Prv 13:24

Amichai Lau-Lavie (he/him)

Nov 21, 2024

Is hitting your child or student ever OK?? What was once a norm in many homes and schools is increasingly illegal and yet in more traditional settings still a matter of debate. It should not be. BAN corporate punishment. So what if it is an ancient norm?

I’m old enough to remember being beaten at elementary school with a wooden ruler on the wrist. And as far as I can remember only once did my late father smack me - over a political debate. But that’s for another time.

Proverbs includes the infamous teaching that many quote to justify corporal punishment as a religiously condoned form of effective education.

There is no denial that it's here, several times, the first one in today’s chapter:

חוֹשֵׂ֣ךְ שִׁ֭בְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵ֣א בְנ֑וֹ וְ֝אֹהֲב֗וֹ שִׁחֲר֥וֹ מוּסָֽר׃

He who spares the rod hates his son,

But he who loves him disciplines him early.

Prv 13:24

The original Hebrew is gendered - both parent and child, as in most of this book - are identified as male. But most readers over the ages assumed that this teaching extends beyond fathers to include both parents, and also goes beyond the home to include educational settings.

Throughout the ages some concerns have been raised, and the occasional boundaries around age-appropriate or what kind of violence is permissible, but the overall attitude, as it’s been all over the world and in many cases still is -- that this type of behavior is ok and is not considered abuse.

The 12th Century Jewish leader Maimonides, living in Cairo, famously commented on this verse:

“A teacher may employ corporal punishment to cast fear upon the students. However, he should not beat them cruelly, like an enemy. Therefore, he should not beat them with a rod or a staff, but rather with a small strap.”

Rod, strap, ruler or palm - many of us carry memories and possibly traumas of being beaten for any number of reasons, and it’s a blessing that our attitudes continue to shift in order to protect children and leave some of our strategic goals for education -- behind.

In 2023, New York state finally passed a law banning corporal punishment in all public schools - mostly because of public research about how bad the situation was in Jewish Yeshivas throughout the state.

This is another case for our evolution, as wisdoms past don’t always speak to wisdom's future. It isn’t just the physical beating that we must not succumb to, no matter what, but also all forms of lashing out at children and all who may be powerless or less powerful that we as a society that strives for justice must do more to require. We can all do more to be better parents, relatives, teachers and neighbors to each other.

Reflecting on this history and calling for its total reform, Rabbi Joshua Hammerman wrote:

“Remember the notorious commandment in Deuteronomy to stone to death a stubborn and rebellious son? According to the Talmud, it was never carried out, as the rabbis went to almost absurd lengths to legislate it out of existence.

So we’ve evolved since biblical times, but we still have a long way to go. Rabbi Mark Dratch points out that many Jewish children, like children everywhere, are the victims of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Our chief problem is no longer in how we mete out punishment, but how we abuse children even when reprimand isn’t on the agenda. In the Abraham story, the Torah sent a strong moral message opposing the prevailing practice of child sacrifice. Now, parents have found far more subtle ways to humiliate and torture their kids.

Where there was once "the strap," now we have the college admissions process.”

Wisdom evolves, along with social norms, and so does our obligation to admit that truths of the past won’t always serve our present and future - towards more justice and love, equality, dignity and peace. It begins within.

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Below the Bible Belt

חוֹשֵׂ֣ךְ שִׁ֭בְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵ֣א בְנ֑וֹ Spare rod, spoil kid??

Prv 13:24

Is hitting your child or student ever OK?? What was once a norm in many homes and schools is increasingly illegal and yet in more traditional settings still a matter of debate. It should not be. BAN corporate punishment. So what if it is an ancient norm?

I’m old enough to remember being beaten at elementary school with a wooden ruler on the wrist. And as far as I can remember only once did my late father smack me - over a political debate. But that’s for another time.

Proverbs includes the infamous teaching that many quote to justify corporal punishment as a religiously condoned form of effective education.

There is no denial that it's here, several times, the first one in today’s chapter:

חוֹשֵׂ֣ךְ שִׁ֭בְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵ֣א בְנ֑וֹ וְ֝אֹהֲב֗וֹ שִׁחֲר֥וֹ מוּסָֽר׃

He who spares the rod hates his son,

But he who loves him disciplines him early.

Prv 13:24

The original Hebrew is gendered - both parent and child, as in most of this book - are identified as male. But most readers over the ages assumed that this teaching extends beyond fathers to include both parents, and also goes beyond the home to include educational settings.

Throughout the ages some concerns have been raised, and the occasional boundaries around age-appropriate or what kind of violence is permissible, but the overall attitude, as it’s been all over the world and in many cases still is -- that this type of behavior is ok and is not considered abuse.

The 12th Century Jewish leader Maimonides, living in Cairo, famously commented on this verse:

“A teacher may employ corporal punishment to cast fear upon the students. However, he should not beat them cruelly, like an enemy. Therefore, he should not beat them with a rod or a staff, but rather with a small strap.”

Rod, strap, ruler or palm - many of us carry memories and possibly traumas of being beaten for any number of reasons, and it’s a blessing that our attitudes continue to shift in order to protect children and leave some of our strategic goals for education -- behind.

In 2023, New York state finally passed a law banning corporal punishment in all public schools - mostly because of public research about how bad the situation was in Jewish Yeshivas throughout the state.

Reflecting on this history and calling for its total reform, Rabbi Joshua Hammerman wrote:

“Remember the notorious commandment in Deuteronomy to stone to death a stubborn and rebellious son? According to the Talmud, it was never carried out, as the rabbis went to almost absurd lengths to legislate it out of existence.

Where there was once "the strap," now we have the college admissions process.”

Wisdom evolves, along with social norms, and so does our obligation to admit that truths of the past won’t always serve our present and future - towards more justice and love, equality, dignity and peace. It begins within.

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