The Vows of Widows Matter More

Ba'Midbar 30:10

Do our promises hold any power? What is the value of our vows? When couples wed and share sincere words of commitment to each other - how many of them will be kept and last? Do we expect their vows to really be long lasting - or is it just an aspirational nod? 

Politicians make big promises that often turn out to be empty election bait, at best. Each of us in our humble yearnings to succeed or improve, renounce or take on a practice, don’t always live up to our word, despite our best intentions. So what’s the worth of  words? This is what’s at the heart of chapter 30, with impressive attention to the importance of the verbal and also with a sad reminder of misogyny. Some vows have more value, and in this chapter it is gender-based. 

A vow, or Neder in Hebrew is a “a stylized promise involving conditions, reciprocity, and consequences,.. as a means of creating and reinforcing a relationship with the deity,” writes biblical scholar Susan Niditch in “Vowing Women: Personal Religion, Gender, and Power. ” Vowing was a central and familiar feature of personal religion in Israel.

Consider Hannah, a barren wife, who in the Book of Samuel makes a bargain with God. She vows to dedicate her child to Divine Service if she conceives. Her son will indeed grow up in the temple and grow up to be the prophet for whom the book is named. But Hanna’s vow - respected and kept - might be an anomaly. Chapter 30 seems to suggest that womens’ vows have different rules than men’s and can be canceled and annulled by a woman’s father or husband.  Just like a minor, women are considered not sufficnetly autonomost to make vows - and be expected to keep them. The man in their lives has veto power. 

But there’s a different status for women who are not under the auspices of a man, due to death or divorce: 

וְנֵ֥דֶר אַלְמָנָ֖ה וּגְרוּשָׁ֑ה כֹּ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־אָסְרָ֥ה עַל־נַפְשָׁ֖הּ יָק֥וּם עָלֶֽיהָ׃

“ The vow of a widow or of a divorced woman, however, whatever she has imposed on herself, shall be binding upon her.”

 (Ba. 30:10) 

An independent woman does seem to have validity to her vows - without the interference of a male figure. Scholars suggest that this reflects the complexity of gender relationships in biblical reality, showing us that Israelite society was not totally patriarchal. Hannah is just one such example, perhaps the anomaly, but prominent enough to be not just mentioned but also the highlight of the choice of Scriptures on the first day of the new year. 

In forty days, past the new year, we’ll be marking Yom Kippur, and our atonement will begin by the annulment of our vows - the ritual of Kol Nidrei. Nowadays, not limited by gender, we are all responsible for our own words, promises, vows and commitments. 

If Hanna is any indication, vows have value, and heartfelt intentions can shift the world. No wonder she became the rabbinic role model for prayer, for taking words seriously. 

What would it take for us to take these days as a precious opportunity to reflect on taking our commitments seriously, reviewing the promises we made to ourselves and to others, make honest new ones,  and be ready to release the private/public ones that for one reason or another we don’t want to or can’t hold on to anymore?  Elul is here! A good time to get going on this sacred inner work.

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