When Fear is Our Friend

Prv. 28:14

What are we afraid of? And what’s happy about that?

There are numerous reasons to live with fear in our complicated world. And although we are often taught to be as fearless as possible there is merit to adding some aspect of fear to our daily diet - at least according to Her Wisdom as appearing in today’s chapter. This ancient wisdom meets mystical truths and contemporary counsel in ways that may be surprising yet resonate in deep ways:

אַשְׁרֵ֣י אָ֭דָם מְפַחֵ֣ד תָּמִ֑יד וּמַקְשֶׁ֥ה לִ֝בּ֗וֹ יִפּ֥וֹל בְּרָעָֽה׃

Happy is the person who is fearful always,

But one who is hard-hearted falls into misfortune.

Prv. 28:14

The distinction between one who lives with fear and one who is hard-hearted and perhaps prefers to not pay heed to what’s inside the heart is fascinating.

Wisdom whispers to us “Happy is the one who is afraid” - although the Hebrew word here may mean fear or awe - that are quite different feelings.

Awe, fear, reverence—it’s a trinity of trembling that keeps us awake to life’s mysteries.

But what kind of life advice is this? Be afraid all the time? Isn’t that what we are trying to avoid?

Yet, hidden here is an ancient survival manual, updated for our modern mess.

Fear, says Brené Brown, is a faithful companion on the journey to authenticity.

"We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Fear is the greatest obstacle to courage, but it’s also the most reliable indicator that we’re on the edge of something meaningful."

Fear keeps us from falling into the traps of hubris and disconnection, from dialing it in.

It’s the little voice whispering, “Maybe don’t post that comment,” or, “slow down”, or “Take a breath before you reply to your ex’s text.”

Fear, when embraced, is our ally. When rejected, it mutates into shame or rage.

The Jewish mystical tradition offers a complementary take. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, master of paradox, reminds us: “All the world is a very narrow bridge, and the main thing is not to be afraid.” But did he mean “no fear” as in bravado? Hardly. The Rebbe’s teaching is about balance: fear keeps us on the bridge, but courage moves us across it. The main thing is not to let fear lead the way.

In today’s tumultuous world, fear is unavoidable. The question isn’t whether to feel it but how to live with it. Do we harden our hearts, as Proverbs warns, or do we lean into fear with curiosity and reverence?

I vote for reverence—with a dash of humor. Fear reminds us we’re alive. It sharpens our instincts, softens our arrogance, and keeps us tender. So yes, be always in awe. Be afraid, maybe not very afraid -- but on our toes.

And if you do fall off the bridge, well, that’s what community—and maybe a good laugh—is for.

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