I am more and more drawn to prayer. I am faced with a number of very dear and old friends who are all out of reach (living elsewhere) and are either in hospice or its precincts. I speak to them by phone regularly; I visit as best I can monthly, and otherwise I find I pray for them daily or whenever they come to mind. I have been now for some time, and I face the very real questions you raise at the beginning of this essay.
What I have come to is that prayer is the most difficult thing for a narcissist to do, and perhaps in the end the spiritual practice that is the most difficult. There is no audience., no apparent efficacy, no bragging rights.
The Jewish prophet Yeshuah offered this counsel: (Matthew 6:6)
When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
The place of prayer in the inner place, the closet, private, but also not available to interpretation, criticism or self-congratulation. It is the supreme act of faith because it is the most private.
What do I find to be the reward? There are many, though none may register by any metric. One is that prayer can and does infiltrate my daily life. I can now listen to someone sharing something with me and, instead of preparing my know-it-all advice, simply find the prayer inwardly that I wish for them and listen to their words with a quiet and inward attention. It seems possible that one might pray all the time, in gratitude, in compassion, in blessing, and praise. I am aware too that it may serve me as I approach my own last days.
I am more and more drawn to prayer. I am faced with a number of very dear and old friends who are all out of reach (living elsewhere) and are either in hospice or its precincts. I speak to them by phone regularly; I visit as best I can monthly, and otherwise I find I pray for them daily or whenever they come to mind. I have been now for some time, and I face the very real questions you raise at the beginning of this essay.
What I have come to is that prayer is the most difficult thing for a narcissist to do, and perhaps in the end the spiritual practice that is the most difficult. There is no audience., no apparent efficacy, no bragging rights.
The Jewish prophet Yeshuah offered this counsel: (Matthew 6:6)
When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
The place of prayer in the inner place, the closet, private, but also not available to interpretation, criticism or self-congratulation. It is the supreme act of faith because it is the most private.
What do I find to be the reward? There are many, though none may register by any metric. One is that prayer can and does infiltrate my daily life. I can now listen to someone sharing something with me and, instead of preparing my know-it-all advice, simply find the prayer inwardly that I wish for them and listen to their words with a quiet and inward attention. It seems possible that one might pray all the time, in gratitude, in compassion, in blessing, and praise. I am aware too that it may serve me as I approach my own last days.
shalom: Peter
Susanna recently saw an astonishingly good movie called, “call me by your name”.