Two different messengers are sent from the forest to the city gates where King David waits to hear the news of the battle. Both of them convey the complex tidings - yes, the war was won and David’s crown is safe, and also, Absalom, despite the king’s request, was killed.
David is devastated. He weeps and repeats these words over and over: “Absalom my son, Absalom my son.” The soldiers slink back into town, ashamed and quiet, as the king sobs above the gates, torn between kinship and kingship, more mourner than monarch, more broken father then relieved ruler.
But there are consequences to this choice and Yoav the General enters the king’s chamber and interrupts his weeping with strong words, demanding that David puts crown first and honors the army that fought for his throne. Yoav gets poetic and tells David what the implications would be if he does not get his act together, right away:
לְאַֽהֲבָה֙ אֶת־שֹׂ֣נְאֶ֔יךָ וְלִשְׂנֹ֖א אֶת־אֹהֲבֶ֑יךָ כִּ֣י ׀ הִגַּ֣דְתָּ הַיּ֗וֹם כִּ֣י אֵ֤ין לְךָ֙ שָׂרִ֣ים וַעֲבָדִ֔ים כִּ֣י ׀ יָדַ֣עְתִּי הַיּ֗וֹם כִּ֠י ל֣וּ אַבְשָׁל֥וֹם חַי֙ וְכֻלָּ֤נוּ הַיּוֹם֙ מֵתִ֔ים כִּי־אָ֖ז יָשָׁ֥ר בְּעֵינֶֽיךָ׃
“By showing love for those who hate you and hate for those who love you. For you have made clear today that the officers and men mean nothing to you. I am sure that if Absalom were alive today and the rest of us dead, you would have preferred it.”
Robert alter explains:
“Joab uses rhetorical exaggeration in order to elevate David’s paternal attachment to Absalom into a generalized, perverse political principle: if you show such extravagant fondness for the usurper who sought your life, then you are behaving as though all your enemies were your friends and your friends your enemies. For you have said today that you have no commanders and servants. That is, by exhibiting such love for your archenemy, you are showing flagrant disregard for the loyal officers and followers to whose devotion you owe your life.”
David manages to put his mourning on hold and goes out to the gate to greet the soldiers. He will soon return to Jerusalem where the political schemes will resume.
But what a powerful image to be holding - a king who is a father, asked to do what ultimately each of us aspires to - get beyond the binaries and long held suspicious and pains of either/or to hold both/and - to get beyond the hate to love each other, all others - as much as we can dare to - more?
A full moon will be shining in the sky tonight and the Jewish calendar welcomes us into Purim, the ancient holiday remembering another king, a queen and court full of intrigue and bloodshed. The main idea of Purim is to get beyond the binaries of good and bad, enemy and friend, to taste redemption and blur boundaries into liberation. The exact warning of Yoav is what Purim promises us to pursue - flip it all upside down to reset reality - love the hater, hate the lover, explore what it's like to contain multitudes and ultimately leave the hurt, the trauma and the hatred to try and leave a better legacy ahead.
It is an aspiration and perhaps in this heartbreaking moment in David’s life we see a glimpse of who he really is - and why his story mirrors ours.
In his magnificent book, David: The Divided Heart, Rabbi David Wolpe unpacks this beautiful complexity:
“David is everything. Conventional religion has a regrettable tendency to do surgery on the human soul, leaving only the exalted parts. But readers of the Bible find that the original source is more realistic. The Bible is filled with flawed human beings and fraught situations against the backdrop of charged sanctity. The entire book is, indeed, in Leonard Cohen‘s words, “a broken hallelujah.” The tensions in families, the price of ambition, the hypocrisies that attend piety, the nobility and savagery of human beings -- all are on colorful display in the pages of the Hebrew Bible. And there is no character that begins to approach David for the platitude of human expression and emotion.
David fits as the ancestor of the Messiah, precisely because of his weaknesses, his transgressions, his artifice, his divided heart. He is great, because of his complexity, not in spite of it. David is a man of contradictions, noble and base, lyrical and brutal, all of which coexist in a quieter state in each human breast. We see ourselves in this man, and we see this man in ourselves.”
May we each see ourselves in each other and heal our hurts, and hates with love.
Joyful and meaningful Purim.
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